Thanksgiving Custody Schedules: Preventing Family Drama

By: Jarbath Peña Law Group

Thanksgiving is a time for gratitude, family gatherings, and creating lasting memories. For co-parents, however, this holiday can also bring a unique set of challenges. Deciding who gets the children for the turkey dinner, the family football game, or the long weekend can easily become a source of stress and disagreement. When parents are at odds, children often feel caught in the middle, which can tarnish the festive spirit.

The key to a peaceful holiday is proactive planning and a shared commitment to putting the children's happiness first. By creating a clear Thanksgiving custody schedule ahead of time, you can prevent family drama and ensure the holiday is a positive experience for everyone. At Jarbath Pena Law Group, we help families find workable solutions for these sensitive issues. This guide offers practical advice for creating a Thanksgiving plan that works for your family.

Why You Need a Plan for Thanksgiving

Your standard parenting plan might outline a general holiday schedule, but Thanksgiving often requires more specific arrangements. The holiday typically involves the children taking four to nine day off of from school, travel plans, and gatherings with extended family. Relying on last-minute negotiations is a recipe for conflict.

A well-defined plan provides the structure and predictability that children need. It allows them to know what to expect and look forward to the holiday without anxiety. For parents, it eliminates uncertainty and reduces the potential for misunderstandings that can escalate into full-blown arguments. Starting the conversation early, ideally in October, gives both parents enough time to coordinate with family and make necessary arrangements.

Communication: The Foundation of a Peaceful Holiday

Before you can agree on a schedule, you must be able to communicate effectively. The goal is not to "win" Thanksgiving but to collaborate on a plan that allows your children to enjoy their time with both sides of their family.

Here are a few communication tips for your holiday planning:

• Stay Child-Centered: Frame all your requests and suggestions around what would be best for your children. Instead of saying, "I want them on Thanksgiving Day," try, "The kids love seeing their cousins at my family's dinner. How can we make that happen this year?"

• Be Flexible and Open to Compromise: Your co-parent's vision for the holiday is just as valid as yours. Listen to their ideas with an open mind and be willing to find a middle ground. Rigidity is the enemy of successful co-parenting.

• Use Business-Like Communication: Keep your conversations focused on the logistics of the holiday. Use email or a co-parenting app to discuss plans, as this creates a written record and reduces the chance for emotional, off-topic arguments.

Popular Thanksgiving Custody Schedules

There is no one-size-fits-all solution for holiday custody. The best arrangement depends on your family's specific circumstances, including your geographic proximity, work schedules, and family traditions. Here are some of the most common and effective schedules co-parents use.

1. Alternate the Holiday Annually

This is one of the simplest and most common arrangements. One parent has the children for the Thanksgiving holiday in even-numbered years, and the other has them in odd-numbered years. This approach is fair, eliminates the need for yearly negotiations, and provides clear expectations for everyone. The parent who doesn't have the children on Thanksgiving Day can create their own special "second Thanksgiving" celebration on a different day of the long weekend.

2. Split the Holiday Weekend

If you live close to your co-parent, splitting the four-day weekend (or the 9 days off of school) can be an excellent way for children to see both families. This schedule requires clear communication and smooth transitions. Examples include:

• Splitting the Day: One parent has the children for Thanksgiving morning and lunch, and the other parent has them for dinner and the evening. This works best for amicable co-parents who live very close by.

• Dividing the Long Weekend or Thanksgiving Week Long Break: When it comes to Thanksgiving, parenting plans can vary depending on whether the children have just the long weekend off or the entire week.

  • For the long weekend - One common arrangement is for one parent to have the children from Wednesday evening until Friday evening, while the other parent has them from Friday evening through Sunday. This approach ensures that both parents enjoy meaningful, quality time during the holiday.

  • For the full week off from school - If the children are out of school for the entire Thanksgiving week, a balanced option is to have one parent care for the children from Friday after school until Wednesday morning, and the other parent from Wednesday morning until Monday morning, returning the children to school. This schedule gives each parent a substantial portion of the holiday while providing predictability and stability for the children.

3. Share the Day Together

For co-parents who have a very amicable relationship, celebrating together can be a wonderful gift to your children. Seeing their parents in the same room, sharing a meal, and enjoying the day as a united front can be incredibly reassuring. This could mean having one parent host and inviting the other, or attending a neutral family member's gathering together. However, this option is not for everyone. If there is unresolved tension or conflict, forcing a joint celebration will only create more stress for your children. Be honest about what your co-parenting relationship can handle.

Navigating Common Thanksgiving Challenges

Beyond the main schedule, several other details can cause friction. Planning for them in advance will help the holiday run smoothly.

• Travel Plans: If one parent plans to travel with the children during the holiday, it is important to discuss these plans well in advance. Many parenting plans already include provisions for out-of-state travel, but parents should still share the full itinerary, including flight details and contact information, to ensure transparency and peace of mind. For international travel, additional preparation is required, including securing any necessary authorizations early and gathering all documents needed to obtain or renew the child’s passport. If the other parent is unresponsive or refuses to cooperate, it is critical to act quickly, as ample time is needed to file the appropriate motions and ensure the court can hear the matter before the planned travel date.

• Extended Family Involvement: Grandparents, aunts, and uncles are all excited to see the children during the holidays. Coordinate schedules to avoid over-committing your children to too many events. It’s better to have quality time at one or two gatherings than to be rushed and exhausted from trying to please everyone.

• New Partners and Blended Families: The holidays can be a sensitive time when new partners are involved. Have a conversation with your co-parent beforehand about how new partners will be included in celebrations to manage expectations and prevent awkward or hurtful situations. While there is no legal requirement to share this information, it is likely your children will be excited and sharing this information to with their other parent, so it is better to have them hear it from you, rather than the context of your children.

Let Us Help Guide You

Navigating custody schedules during the holidays can feel overwhelming, especially when communication is strained. You don’t have to manage these complex negotiations alone. A family law attorney can help you formalize a holiday plan that minimizes conflict and protects your time with your children.

The team at Jarbath Pena Law Group understands the emotional and logistical challenges of co-parenting. Let us help guide you toward creating clear, effective, and child-focused custody arrangements that bring peace of mind to your family. We can help you mediate a holiday schedule, formalize it through the court, and resolve any disputes that arise, allowing you to focus on what matters most: creating happy holiday memories with your children.

If you need assistance creating or modifying a holiday custody schedule, contact Jarbath Pena Law Group. Call us at 305-615-1005 or visit our website at www.jp-lawgroup.com to schedule a consultation.